god, it’s been forever.  this new creature i have become, mother, is no less reflective but has a lot harder time getting things down, words or paint. i miss it so much tho, not the least this letter to outerspace where you sit, rhetorically absorbing my thoughts.

i still feel i am getting ready to begin, and need to be gentle with myself about that. along those lines, i discovered in bed these past days a cool trick: breathing like the tide. in the dark i draw on those sensory memories of the rhythmic but infinitely random sound of waves. thinking about how the moon and earth make love in this way, slowly but tectonically, endlessly exchanging an singsong energy that is mimicked in every living body.

i want so badly to exteriorize the art humming in my body, but for now it is intermittent, sporadic. so much gets lavished on my baby.

still cultivating interests, surely. gathering information. starved for it, actually.

begging for more proof that the outcome will be positive, that progress is possible, that love might prevail.